1+1: Reduce stress through a BATNA + Getting to Yes

Here’s one leadership idea and one resource I’ve found beneficial this week:

1 idea: Reduce stress through a BATNA

One of my coaching clients recently faced a disheartening situation. For years, she’d been positioning herself for her dream promotion. In this new role, she’d be paid significantly more, have a broader impact on others, and be able to stay near the family and friends she loved so dearly.

Everything seemed on track until the day she was informed that she was not the shoe-in that she thought. If she really wanted to move up, she would probably have to relocate.

As we processed the situation, her tears flowed freely. Moving was not an option for her, and neither was staying in her current role for much longer. Her dreams were crumbling around her, and she had little hope left for the future.

Situations like these are never fun. Any time we feel backed into a corner with only one bad option in front of us, we can respond like caged animals: angry, despondent, or desperate.

Fortunately, Roger Fisher and William Ury offer a way out of this dilemma in their classic book Getting to Yes. They argue convincingly that the most important step at this juncture is developing a strong "BATNA."

BATNA stands for “Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement”—in other words, your next-best option. For instance, if your rent was recently raised and you don’t want to pay it, your BATNA might be moving back in with your parents. You’ll save money, but you’ll also endure the embarrassment of seeing your dad in his underwear again.

Fisher and Ury show that strong negotiating positions come not from money, fame, or power, but a desirable BATNA. For example, consider your coworker who is past retirement age but still works for fun. If her manager tries to convince her to work overtime during the holidays, it’s likely to be a tough sell. The manager can threaten termination or promise exorbitant sums of money, but neither is likely to give them much negotiating power because your friend can take or leave the job. Ironically, this unassuming woman is the most powerful party in that negotiation.

The reverse is also true: the person with the least-attractive BATNA is the most vulnerable one in that situation. That was the challenge my client faced. In her mind, she had no BATNA; this promotion was literally the only option available to her. Consequently, when that option was taken off the table, she felt cornered, trapped, and hopeless.

Any time you feel you only have one option, you will experience more fear of failure, greater pressure to compromise, and more intense anxiety about the situation. If you are convinced you don't have a choice, you are guaranteed to be worse off.

That’s why thinking through your BATNA is always a good idea. Whether you’re trying to resolve a conflict with a loved one, negotiate better terms on a business deal, or process a promotion that is falling through, creating an attractive BATNA (if one exists) relieves much of that pressure and anxiety.

My client eventually realized that she could find another job and still stay local. Even though she still had a strong desire to get the promotion, just knowing she had an alternative reduced her stress and enabled her to get back on track.

If you are facing what feels like a do-or-die situation, a BATNA can do the same for you.

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• Where do you feel caged in, like you have no other options?

• What are the other possible ways to respond? Generate a long list of ideas. If you can't come up with anything, ask a friend or ChatGPT.

• Which of those options is your BATNA?

1 resource: Getting to Yes

Whether you're a trial lawyer negotiating with prosecutors or a stay-at-home parent negotiating with a four-year-old, each of us has to bargain with others. That's why I recommend Getting to Yes. Unlike some sales negotiation books that teach you how to extort or manipulate others into deals that are good for you but bad for them, this approach creates wins for everyone. The principles Ury and Fisher lay out are universal tools for forming stronger relationships and win-win agreements.

PS: Wait, is that Morgan Freeman?